serenity.simplicity.passion.beauty.life

Finding l.u.x.u.r.y in the little things (and smirking at all the r.e.s.t)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

"The less routine, the more life."

People in general have the power to amaze, inspire, baffle, and fascinate me, all at the same time. Each and every one of us possess our own little individual characteristics that make us who we are, but the catch twenty two is...it is those same characteristics that also seem to separate us from those who we want to be. Or, better said, want to be with. But perhaps even more importantly, a person's particular personality traits are so deeply ingrained in his/her being, that it becomes impossible to be anything else than what we are. So ultimately, I'm forced to wonder if maybe, just maybe, we have no control over who we turn out to be, what we like to do, and who we like to spend our time with. And if that's the case, then if we try to control and suppress our true selves in an attempt to be someone else, the final outcome is, I suspect, much worse than it ever would have been if we had simply let our own desires, feelings and thoughts shine through from the beginning.

Maybe, just maybe, doing so is the real key to avoiding all disappointment, frustration, resentment and hurt when it comes to the world of building new relationships. But hey-- you win some, you lose some, right? What's important is that you learn in the process; learn about life, learn about yourself, and sometimes you even learn that things you always thought were true, aren't.

We can't be everyone's someone.

...We can only belong to ourselves.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs are people that have come alive."




There is just something about diner coffee. No matter the combination of half and half and splenda, it is always the best cup of coffee I've ever had, hands down. I don't know what it is, but no other coffee compares...not even Latin American. And you know, I don't even complain about the unusually small mugs the diner coffee is served in; it's about quality, not quantity, right? I actually woke up this morning and opted for the diner over cooking (even though I had plenty of ingredients), just because I knew it would mean 97 cent caramel-colored caffeine bliss. And then one, two or three re-fills. Bliss, I tell you. And a jump start to my Sunday morning.

At this particular diner, there happens to be a young woman who always seems to end up waiting on my table. And I like this young woman. With thick, reddish brown hair, pulled back into a plain, ordinary mid-level ponytail, coupled with funky, black rimmed glasses, I get the feeling she's a little sassy behind those guest-checks and oversized breakfast platters. The familiar tone in which she initially asks, "Something to drink?" is a odd blend of crass and class. She is no-nonsense and very fast at what she does, but still manages to be extremely attentive and thorough. You can tell she's been serving cups 97 cent caramel-colored caffeine bliss for a while.

Yet this morning as I finished off my last bites of apple-cinnamon pancake, and tipped back my last drop of coffee, I couldn't help but be inspired by this hardworking, Brooklyn-esque woman. She wasn't refined, nor elegant. Or beautiful nor breathtaking. And somehow, it was a breath of fresh air. She was real. Genuine. Hard-working. There was just something about her which I liked.

So as I left, I told her to keep the change, which should have totalled about 20 dollars in tip. I really hope that maybe, just maybe, I made her day a little brighter...made her feel appreciated. Made working for minimum wage in that diner on Sunday mornings when she really wanted to sleep in... a little more pleasurable. Because it's people like her, that really make my Sunday morning diner coffee taste as good as it does.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."



Empty. Silent. Desolate. White. Cold. Impersonal.

Yet all screaming the same thing: loneliness.

As I sit quietly in my apartment, it's late at night...and that is what I am surrounded by. Every angle of the room, from the freshly primed, undecorated stark white walls to the bland beige carpet subtly mocks me, as I sit here alone with my laptop. I'm sorry, apartment. I would love nothing more than to fill your rooms full of laughter and memories to be cherished for a lifetime, but such a task becomes quite complicated when there aren't people around to laugh and make those memories with you. My own doormat, which sits properly just outside the front door of apartment number 47, serves as nothing more but an acting prop for the rest of the complex to see. It reads, "Good friends gather here." But it lies. Because no one gathers here.

You know, I've always been the definition of the word "independent." Give me a plane ticket to any country in this world, and I will not only adapt to the culture, but cultivate some of the strongest friendships that I've ever had. And I will thrive on it.

Yet, conversely, give me a job in Exton, Pennsylvania...and I sit in my apartment four months later, without one solid girlfriend with whom I can share a fancy martini on a Friday night...basking in our newfound adulthood and gossiping about the cute men who mysteriously roam the halls of our office buildings. It causes me to wonder: is it me, or is it the place?

I did manage to swing a new "boyfriend"--or whatever he calls himself--but somehow it doesn't erase the emptiness that can only be temporarily filled with my old memories for now. Now, that is what I find myself thriving off of, missing my friends more fiercely than ever.

It is my belief that as individuals, we are severely limited in controlling the way we turn out to be; there is only so much one person can bring to the table. The rest of our personality, attitude, morals, self-perspective and being is made up of little parts of other people...all combined as experiences amounting to the individual as a whole. I worry that my current lifestyle--completely alone, as I like to call it--will eventually catch up to me, diminishing the fun-loving, carefree, spirited Ashley that I consider myself to be. When it reaches the point that you'd rather stay at work than go home to an empty apartment. . . something needs to be done. The "boyfriend" lives elsewhere, and I'm lucky if I see him once a week at this point. That's probably just going to get worse. My co-workers are older, and have the responsibilities that come with having a family. And my friends are back where I left my life... my real life. So I'm left with me, myself and I.

I suppose I should quit whining and. . . go out and make friends. I know that's what you're thinking. But let me tell you--I hate being that weird girl who goes to the bar alone and expects to meet people. Because people who just start talking to people ARE weird. So then it means I must sit at the bar, trying my hardest to seem approachable, and act like I'm there by myself on purpose all at the same time...and hope that out of 10 creepos that come by, one might happen to be a decent girl that will magically want a new friend.

God that's so pathetic! Friend hunting! Ew! I think I might have to stop writing about this before I throw up all over myself because the way I'm talking you'd think I was some shy, introverted, taped-glasses wearing, former braces all-star geekzoid.

I promise I'm not.

Just lonely...








Monday, January 01, 2007

"How many of you have started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"

The above quote, in no way, shape or form applies to me - I, myself, can't stop smiling from ear to ear thanks to a certain someone and I couldn't be happier to be his girl. But... so I'm exploring this whole new comcast cable menu stuff...and I come across "Dating on Demand." Dating on Demand? What could that be? I click on it, and would you know...they actually have people on there that have made videos and are available to be contacted if interested! Can you believe that? More like..."Loser on Demand." Are you really that desperate? And willing to let everyone with Comcast cable know it? I would be horrified to do something like that! So I wonder...does all of this new technology actually make things like dating easier...or does it take away from any remaining sense of chivalry and old-fashioned courtship? Why can't people just meet people the way they used to--in person. It seems that with each new advance in technology, men and women are foregoing true person-to-person relationships and all of the nervousness and butterflies that come along with being with someone you're just getting to know....in favor of the easy way out, typing in a keyboard and analyzing a potential mate based on whether or not he/she uses too many exclamation points and smilies...allowing each respective party to hide behind a 9 inch glowing screen. Although some may argue that by typing on the computer back and forth enables individuals to express themselves better, write and talk about things more openly ...it is my assertion that technology does not strengthen interpersonal relationships, but rather diminishes them. Interpersonal relationships cannot be built without the actual interaction.

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